ALICE IN MURDER... land... 

 

(ON BACK OF THE DVD CASE) It's Alice's birthday and her sorority girlfriends throw her a themed party. Everyone comes as their favorite, sexy character from Wonderland. The Jabberwocky wasn't invited and brings murder and mayhem to the girls' night out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where can you go wrong when you have a premise like this? (that is what was going through my head) Now THIS was NOT just ME alone like how I normally do it. This was me with a few friends watching these... need I say ... Artistic Gems... in the cinema shit list. So we put on this amazing work ... Did I expect to be wowed? Nay baby birds... but I did expect a little bit more production quality from a 2010 release. Filmed in the style of 70's pornography this movie kicked off with a flashback to twenty years earlier. Blown out was the footage as the theme of the movie made you wish for something... I cant put my finger on what this something was (AT THIS TIME DURING THE VIEWING). Back to the story. (fast forward) Woman kills woman ... cloaked figure... birthday party, pool party, and alice in wonderland costume. Okay so now we are about 35 seconds into the movie and I can rinse and repeat the last thirty five seconds for the next fourty five minutes as we just keep getting told what the plot is... when the plot is less intricate then a chimpanzee wearing night vision goggles trying to peel a banana in the daylight. Progressing into this cinematic adventure we find action and suspense as we (me and my friends) point blame at one another for choosing this enigmatic crime against the very fabric of humanity and our existance. The action we arrived when one of the girls decided to fight the main (BITCHY) sorority sister... this was filmed excitingly worse then the rest of the movie but it gave it a Mr. Rogers horror'esc type of feel like if he were to go through his imaginary land with a pair of scissors and cut up every one of those hand puppets. But this fight sequence was a lot more longer then I think was initially intended by the film makers but they obviously thought that what they had here was gold to cash in. Suprisingly they probebly got angry finding out that their gold was nothing more then a rock with spraypaint on one side. The main antagonist came in as a JABORWOKKI (not spelled right). Now scourge me with hatemail if you want but what the hell is a JABBORWALKI? Its fun to say. So while watching the movie I found myself screaming out JABBORWALKY In an attempt to spur on the growing intensity of my hand reaching for the remote to turn it off... I seldomly use my words to fight impulses but I was surrounded by friends so I thought I would try this new attempt at being a well suited movie watcher / heckler / annoyed bystander / analrapist (analysis therapist) 

 

So what came of the film? The film dazzled its' current audience with as much promise as the 70's porn music opening and ended with the grotesque promise of unsatisfaction. Which it achieved with flying colors. We felt nothing ... numb to the world and decayed. The only option I had was to go take a shower... and like a decent host I asked if all of my guests would like to join me in the shower (I dont have that good of a water heater) But they all declined because they knew that just like the film... there is no excitement in it... no climax... no promise of anything better... just a blank chalk board surrounded by chalk dust.