BUNNY MAN 2 - I CAUGHT MY UNICORN 

 

One movie has haunted me for years. This amazing gem, BUNNYMAN MASSACRE.

The pain in my chest from not seeing it didn't really exist but my pure over zealous 

excitement upon finding this urban legend, this mythologial film was that of lottery 

winner proportions. So now ... lets review the legend itself. 

 

T - MINUS 3 minutes till watching movie. 

                    I had the sheer amount of unbridled awesomeness fueling my veins about

                    this film that I took not one but two quick showers each time scrubbing a 

                    seperate body part that I didn't realize smelled a bit like almonds. 

T - MINUS 1 minute till viewing of film.

                    I started fluffing every single coushion I could find just to pass the time. I even

                    ventured into my room mates room and started having a go at his bed so that way

                    no seat in the house would be uncomfy for this master of macabre. 

GO TIME - 

                    The opening, it unveiled itself like a transexual whore that was in pre operation. The black and white title sequence made me believe that they spent all their budget buying old movies and using scenes, due to copyright renewal any film before the 60's are pretty much free game. So this gem used that to their advantage, making the single most pointless opening in all cinema. I was applauding to their ingenius minds at work. THEN IT BEGAN!

                      A school bus, a bunny, man, and a chainsaw make their way in the begining of this film showing the limitless boundries this movie will sail to, but even then that scene reminded me of my grandfather trying to blow up balloons for my cousins birthday. Starts off promising with a few huffs and then ends up shrivled and in the corner with a beer muttering to himself about how good he could be if he was young again. The transitions in this movie are exactly the same but in different locations, but they add a twist... some times they are the exact same transition, Oh how they went hog wild with this one. The first had some notable beauty when you speak about attractive women in the movie... this one ... went pure raw and gritty finding the grizzliest of women to play in their kidnegarden Cop version of a horror flick. I was terrified by the way this movie could have never seen my television and I was beyond myself in suspense trying to keep from jumping with joy before it began. Where could this movie go from here?  RECAP - UGLY GIRLS, BUNNY, BUNNY FEEDING BUNNY (yes that was a new one but I'm saying it now) Oh also the scenes are way too long... BUT lets continue AND THE MOST ANNOYING THING IS THE REALLY bad OPENING that makes no sense. 

                      BUT TIME TO CONTINUE THIS ROMP IN THE DESERT OF BUNNY BLOOD. "there are some things money cant buy... a dinosaur" Super classicly bad line that describes the clever wit of this movie. MMHMM by the time I was 45 minutes into this movie a tingle started going across the brim of my right butt cheek and so I decided to scratch it really hard and in doing so I found myself slightly pantless on the worst oportune moment. It was a scene that involved no bunny and a redneck asking two girls if they wanted to go somewhere. Of course I was not enthrawled but I made it seem that way for anyone else who might pass by so I made sure to keep my right buttock out of my pants as I stared at the complex nature of this movie's plot... or lack there of. SUDDENLY I SEE A BUNNY CHOPPING WOOD. I perked up very enthusiastically trying to find a reason to keep watching that movie as I started wailing BUNNYMAN at the top of my lungs. This wasn't a good situation if someone were to enter the room seeing half a cheek peering out trying to see this amazing work of fiction. 

                     I would love to have a heart to heart conversation with the creators of Bunnyman Massacre. I would lov eto know what they thought of life... love... the ... OMG a girl just fell off a trailer backwards and bunnyman is carrying her away. The gore in this movie is the most notable part of it all... cause there is just as much gore in this movie as there was in that old 1990's care bear movie... The make up for bunnyman under neath his mask is amazing to talk about ... cause it's actually worse then the first movie. That wasn't and eye gouge ... IF you have ever seen the movie you would know exactly what part I am referring too. Now this was immensly amazing that a new distributor is working with The BUNNYMAN CREW- GRAVITAS- which is a leader in really bad movies... so bad that the name GRAVITAS just reminds me that shit can come out of places other then a rectum. I farted half way through the movie reminding myself that I'm still alive and this is not be in hell stuck living this endless movie for all eternity. IS it bad that I was begging for this thing to end around 90 minutes ago ... the movie itself is around 100 some odd minutes ... I actually feel bad for bunnyman cause here is one guy who has to dress up for days and days of filming this film and I find that the guy could have... oh let me explain this ... btw we have a she hulk in the movie, a girl actually breaks a board with her weight... yes she was movie fat. It's been a long time since I saw a movie use paintballs for gun shots but its nice to add on the icing of this terrible film. ODDLY enough there is some really nice cinamatography in the movie... sometimes. 

 

Over all here is my bunnyman 2 assessment... 

I LOVE CHAINSAWS . 

It's bad. 

BUNNYMAN! 

 

When you think this movie is over ... its not... Neither is this review.

 

Oh where the hell did this guy come from? Watch the movie you'll understand my question. 

 

By: Gerald Crum