X Men Apocalypse ... 

 

Bryan Singer is a lot of things... but I wouldn't call him a good story teller. Now keep in mind. What I mean here is that if he and M Night Shamaylan were telling me a bed time story I would not know which one to stop paying attention to first. You see what Bryan Singer does so well is crushing thirty year old dreams and making them so destroyed that no one knew you had them in the first place. Any human being that says this is a "good" movie is either brain dead or just beating off to Jennifer Lawrence supposedly nude throughout the movie... just google her nude if you wanted that - come on. Taking on a film like this poses many challenges... like how not to bore the audience... how to bring wolverine into the picture... how to ruin all x men story lines at once... and how to make good actors into terrible ones. 

 

When the movie began - the theater I was at had a clip of Alexandra Shipp saying "thank you for watching this movie in the theater" ... which worried me at first cause why would you have to thank people for coming to see a "GOOD" movie... She proceeds to tell us about how many people it took to make the movie and how we are keeping them all employed. 

 

That was not really a good idea cause basically what your stating is that this movie is bad... and we know its bad so pleading with us to bring others to come and see how bad this is ... is what will keep you employed so you can make other bad movies? 

 

But I let that slide... cause the movie came on OMG lets see this! 

 

So hmm... nightcrawler vs angel... was as fun as getting a physical by your grandmother. I found myself yawning with anticipation for what other amazing match ups that will be featured in the movie. AND here I am talking about the first fight between nightcrawler and angel. The second one is so terrible that I would rather leave out but let me explain. Nightcrawler teleports... never swings... he runs away and angel follows until angel gets trapped in a place and escapes and then nightcrawler teleports away and angel crashes in a plane. You think I am being harsh by simplifiying it like that but to be honest that is me going very in depth about the fight sequence. It is small epicless and pointless. 

 

So STORM comes into play AND SHE WILL BE A VILLAIN no way. No way indeed. She doesn't really do anything but stand on the side lines durring the entire finale and zap twice. Yeah she has no other powers aparently but lightning... AND strangely electricity causes no mutant the ability to use their powers... sounds like a cure to me! But lets talk about psylocke ... in the trailers you see her fall down to a knee doing a big cut with a sword... yeah thats the extent of her involvment... MYSTIC is just as forgetable. Lets talk about how she has no reason to be in the film. And let us move into a bit of a spoiler... if you make a team movie... a movie about how these people come together and form a team to help stop something then of course you make a team effort to win. 

 

Pheonix... trump card... yeah jean gray who doesn't have the pheonix in her yet channels it and destroys apocalypse single handedly. 

 

So OSCAR ISSAC is an amazing actor... but with 20 lbs of haunted house make up and bad direction by BRYAN SINGER he channels the best Ben Stein impersonation and uses it for the entire film. James Mcavoy acts his little heart out trying so hard to SAY "IM AN ACTOR DAMN IT" and he does well making me believe he wants me to believe he is Professor X ... Michael Fassbender does well in anything he does. I think he must making taking a douce epic in nature cause he is litterally doing that here. He has shit dialogue that he makes into something interesting. Even Peters cant do bad when he is doing a character role. He does the greatest most enjoyable scene in the entire film. A 4 minute save everyone that is both hilarious and entertaining. It woke me up and made me believe that things were going to get better... but they didn't. 

 

Apocalypse cant go faster then Quick Silver... but he does one time... and it is so fast it makes quicksilver be slow... wow! But he can never do that again... Poor apocalypse... and He has super strength and kills an entire room of people with a nod... and yet when he has mystic by the throat he cant seem to crush her throat or kill her instantly  with a nod... hmm... 

 

Now the whole turncoat Magneto thing... is not as bad as "MARTHA" (super man vs batman) but it is pretty bad... Let me explain. SO the xmen say... "stop we love you Magneto" and he says "No who I was is now gone" and then they go to him again... after he has commited genocide... "Stop we love you" and he then goes "you know ... your right... I love you guys too" and then helps fight apocalypse. Strangely enough he goes retarded and only knows how to throw metal directly at apocalypse causing no damage. This is the extent of Magneto doing anything against apocalypse is a steady stream of metal... 

 

Beast should not have been doing anything... what can he do... He should have stood back with Mystique also... cause she knew she didnt have anything to do ... and neither does he. This movie finds a steady beat on ruining every character and story line you could have possibly ever wanted.